30-Something Blues . . . and Reds

Okay. I've experienced a few years in my decade of 30's now. And I'm finally ready to write about it. Yes, it took me this long. You see, that jump from your 20's into your 30's is a tough one for most women I think. Especially since our culture seems to value being young, crazy and in your 20's. So 30 can feel a bit like you have left a fun vacation locale and are setting sail for a new, more mature and responsible world.

And yes, the 30's do come with new and sometimes tough things. Many women are mothers, and find very little time for themselves, and start to long for the days that didn't revolve around domestic duties, crying children and big financial decisions. And it's harder to keep that 20's figure anymore. The workouts need to be longer and tougher and targeted. You think twice about ordering those fries. Career-wise you may start to re-think your direction. No longer just working at a job out of college and happy to just have a paycheck, you may find yourself wanting to find something that truly fuels you and your life passions.

But despite the things above, I'm finally starting to see the perks of this decade. In fact, I'm head over heels in love with it. Released from much of the social pressure around looks and fashion, we are now free to embrace our personal style with grace, ease and no apologies. You realize it just doesn't matter if your outfit is spot-on/matches/is trendy/is what is expected. You figure out what works for you and run with it. You develop a signature look. It's extremely freeing.

Your 30's is a key decade for checking on the course of your career. Are you still on track for your goals and dreams? Or have you gone so off the map that you feel lost at sea? If it is time to jump ship or harbor in a different port, this is the perfect time to do it. You still have so much working time ahead of you (don't think too much about that) that a major career change is doable. Plus, as mentioned above, you can relax into your authentic self and may know more about what you want to for work.

The time is also right for complete honesty. You have nothing to lose by being honest with yourself. In fact, you OWE it to yourself. Take a big heaping helping of truth, with a side of introspection why don't you? Because once you start to examine what makes you truly happy, what hurts you, what you worry about, and what you need to feel alive, then you can live your life fully.

I'm not saying all this can only happen in your 30's, it's just been true for me. But I would love to hear what others think - are you experiencing/have you experienced the same feelings while in your 30's? Or did that come later, or earlier for you?

The Sun. It is Bright.

"Can you hand me my shades?"

When the Road Gets Rocky

On our recent trip to the San Juan Mountains of Colorado we took a Jeep road up to about 11,500ft. and were greeted by beautiful views at the top. Near the top we also realized our road had turned into this . . . 

To give perspective, the narrow part of the path in the background was only about 15ft. wide, and was a sheer drop off to the right, with crumbling rock underfoot.

In looking at the picture days after the trip, it struck me how much it reminded me of life's little (or big) dilemmas. Because the road always gets rocky, doesn't it? It's never smooth and easy the whole way. That wouldn't be fun and that wouldn't be reality. And you are always faced with a decision at that time. Fight or flight really. Do you take the risk? Do you buy the house? Do you open the business? Do you get divorced? Do you change jobs? Do you move to another country? Do you invest the money? Do you tell the truth? 

Of course it can be easier to just do the opposite; to do nothing. But how long will you be content with that? How long before your thoughts begin to nag . . . begin to tell you that you've wasted time by not doing it initially. Then you face regret. And regret hurts.

So what did we do when faced with this literal rocky and scary 'road'?

We got out and walked. :)

All Hallow's Eve

Ahh, Halloween. One of the strangest 'holidays' we have. Also one of the most fun, I think. I mean, what's not to like? Costumes, scaring people for fun, loads of sweets and candy without the guilt, gutting pumpkins and carving lopsided faces into them, and answering the door to trick or treaters. But I think the best part is when you are an adult, and it's STILL acceptable to dress up - for adult Halloween parties. What a great excuse for adults to not only act like kids again, but also to sometimes hide behind the safe mask of a different persona they want to try out - judgment free! ;)-

So what's your Halloween costume M.O.? Are you a pop culture fan? A funny pun maker? A character specialist? Cutesy? Sexy? Freaky? Gory?
All are welcome, on All Hallow's Eve :)

A Peaceful Death or At Peace with Death

I'm currently writing a character in my novel who is dying of a terminal illness. She knows she will die, and she has gone home to be made comfortable. She's only 35 years old. The part that makes it even more challenging to write is that she has completely come to terms with her impending demise and is at peace with the world. She only wants to experience wonderful things and the things that make her smile, in her last weeks on earth. I try to imagine how this would be, how it would feel, and I admit, it's tough to imagine. You would have to have gone through the stages of grief, acknowledged them, and set them free. Anger, denial, bargaining, etc. - you would shake their hands and bid them farewell. And how would you talk to you loved ones? The ones that will be left behind to start their own grief process from the beginning. How would you smile at them and tell them not to worry, not to be too sad, to celebrate your life and move forward? They wouldn't be in the same place as you so it would be near impossible for them to understand.

Do you think it takes a very brave person to become this way near death's end? Or do we all have the capacity to free our minds and be at peace with death?

A Fox Walks Into a Bar . . .

The concept of animal signs has always intrigued me. The idea that an action you witnessed by an animal, or just their presence, is not coincidence, but meant directly for you to derive a meaning. Maybe that raccoon that stepped out onto the side of the road and paused and stared at you is a sign for you alone. Or maybe that squirrel that jumped up on the window ledge and peered in at you is telling you something you need to pay attention to. Maybe this cricket right outside my open window tonight is not merely annoying and grating, but is singing an important song to me.

Shh.
Listen.
Watch.
Stop and think about it.

Or is it all just nature, surrounding us, and we just come across the animals at random?

I don't know, but if a fox walks into a bar, jumps up on a stool, and orders a whiskey, you had better take is as SOME kind of sign.

What's Old Is New

My family recently cleaned out my Grandparent's farm house; an extremely melancholy chore. But among the sadness there were bright spots. Spots of wonder, amazement and laughter. One thing we came upon, high on a closet shelf in their original box, was a pair of my Grandma's high heels. The original receipt was in the box, dated 1947. They were $15. My Grandparents ran a farm, they didn't have a lot to spare. So I know this pair of shoes was probably a huge deal to purchase, hence the receipt kept in the box all these years.

And just look at the style! What's old is new! Gorgeous. If she only knew this same style still graces the shelves in stores all over today :)

Venus & the Moon Are Screwing Up My Chi

Between the full moon the night before, and Venus in transit across the Sun today, I feel things are a little off. A little wacky. A little cray-cray.

According to astrology teachings, my sign is ruled by the moon. I don't know if I feel influenced by knowing that or what, but I have always been incredibly drawn to the moon. And last night when it finally broke through its cloud constraints, it was magnificent. I felt energized, I felt like I could feel the moon. And I found myself being happy, hyper and batty all night. I'm surprised I didn't howl at the moon with my Husky dog.

Tonight Venus is traveling new territory. It's a gypsy planet in the night sky. It's being watched, and discussed, and photographed.
Yet things feel off.
Human relationships are clunky. Conversations are stilted. Missed connections. Awkward silences.

The only thing to do is go to bed, dream the dreams, and see what awaits tomorrow. Hopefully a sun without a blemish, and a moon that calms down.

2 Types of People in This World

You often hear people say things like, "There are two types of people in the world, this kind, and that kind." (fill in with various adjectives and verbs) I've always liked those comparisons. I'd like to share my favorite one:

There are two types of people in this world; those who are always happy, until they have a reason not to be, and those that are always unhappy until they have a reason not to be.

I think that is a really good assessment of how you can approach life in general. And you know you know both types of people.

Some other fun ones are:

There are two types of people in this world; those who like brussel sprouts, and those who don't.

There are two types of people in this world; those who disolve into a cooing mass of babbler when a puppy is put into their arms, and those who don't.

There are two types of people in this world; those who think white zin is real wine, and those who drink real wine.

Please, tell me some of yours!!

In a Relationship . . . With the Internet

I admit I really enjoy the place we are in right now with technology and the internet. I am fascinated by the ever-changing technological advances, the new and fast-growing social media channels (hello Pinterest), and the way in which information is exchanged today. I enjoy learning and experiencing what is new out there, what I like to participate in, and what I don’t. My iPhone is never far from my side and I do find myself pretty tied to the networks out there.

But lately I have started thinking about that magical day when I will just decide I don’t need it all anymore. When I’m old and retired and my perception has shifted, there will come a day when I say, “I’m done with the technology! Unplug me!” Will I be 70? 80? I don’t know. All I know is that I think about that with a smile. I think about a time when all of this doesn’t matter and what matters is who is beside you, who is visiting you, what you did that day, what you experienced that day, and if you are happy and content.

Until then, I’ll have fun - and keep learning - because I do need it for my job and my future career. And I’ll just look forward to the day when I don’t even think about logging onto ANYthing. Instead I’ll relax, calm down, slow down, and not worry about a thing. J

When do you think you will unplug from The Matrix?

The Old Tree and The Wind

Our Tree That Fell

Last week, a freak weather system brought the strongest winds that our area has seen in a long time. This mighty wind took something from us. It blew in with a force that wasn't taking no for an answer, and took down our oldest, tallest, and biggest Spruce tree. I can't describe what a shock it was to see it gone from the horizon of our yard. This tree was special. It was on land that was one of the original homesteads in the area. It was around 100 years old and 95 feet tall. It was one of the oldest, and possibly THE oldest tree in our little town. It was a fixture of our property, a home to the birds and squirrels, and something I stared up at too many times to count.

I guess I've always gotten a little attached to the trees around me. When I was a kid, my family owned 40 acres in Mid-Western Colorado. It was all natural, the only structure being the footprint of an old cabin, and a caved in wooden entrance to an old mine. It was beautiful land and we had so many family camping trips and picnics there over the years. There was evidence that a stream used to run through it, because there was a long ravine running through the property, a small trickle of a stream during wet years, and the location of the mine was right next to all this. But what was really striking about this particular area was the huge Spruce that was perched on the edge of the ravine. It was a blue Spruce, tall, straight and majestic, much like the one in our yard. However, the tree was right on the edge of the ravine and the dirt was eroding away, and about one quarter of the root system was exposed, with the trunk of the tree just barely on the edge of the ravine.

So if you came at it from below, in the ravine, you could sort of climb up underneath the tree. You could literally climb up the roots (one even bent at a 90 degree angle and made for a step) to the base. Then you got to the edge of the ravine, and the flat shelf above it was completely enclosed all around by the low, wide branches. You could hoist yourself up on the ledge and now be under the tree on flat ground. And the area around the base of the tree was all clear except for a thick cushion of needles. So a child could fit under there and move around and play, and not be seen at all from the outside, since the thick branches brushed the ground. (Is this making any sense? Hard to describe) OR, if you came at it from above, up on the flat ground, you could walk up to one side of the tree where the branches didn't quite touch the ground and formed a natural part, and you could duck down, crawl in, and gain entrance to the secret area under the tree.

As a kid, this was a wonderful place for me. Especially as an only child who had to entertain herself. And I would for hours, making up scenarios, talking to imaginary animals, and taking special things in there with me that I would leave for the next visit. My parents and I worried that it would fall. Each time we came back, I would strain my neck to see out the car window as we came over the hill, but that big tree always stood. I worried so much about it falling that I developed this ritual that only a child would execute. Within the mine tailings was lots of mica - Fool's Gold. You could scoop up a handful and sift the dirt through your fingers and the tiny flakes would sparkle in the sun. I thought this was gold for sure. I figured gold must have some sort of magic properties, and that it could surely help the old tree stay strong. So I would cross the ravine to the mine tailings, gather two handfuls of tailings and cross back to the underneath of the tree, and carefully sprinkle the dirt and gold dust on the exposed roots of the tree. I remember doing this many, many times one summer each time we visited.

My family eventually sold the land, and the tree never fell while we were there. And at least in my mind, it never will. So when I'm sad about losing our current tree, I'll think about how my relationship with trees started and try to remember that Mother Nature says when it's time to go.

The Sad Night

Nature, or (Disney) Nurture?

You know how sometimes a certain theme or topic keeps reoccurring in your life and it keeps coming up enough that you feel like you should stop and devote some time to it? Well lately for me that has been the topic of little girls going through a 'Princess Phase'. I have several friends and acquaintances who have little girls between the ages of 3-5. They have each told me on separate occasions that their little girl is going through a SERIOUS Princess Phase and they sort of roll their eyes when they tell me.

But what really made me take notice was one of those people saying that they don't really know how their girl became obsessed because they don't let her watch TV and rarely any Hollywood movies. He said he recognized that she had seen the Princess paraphernalia in stores, and her friends were into them, but he was just surprised that she got SO into it, when they didn't even encourage it in their house.

So the question becomes; is there something inherently within little girls that kicks in around this age and they are completely drawn to super girly things and fairy tales? Is it the gender part of their psyche taking hold and staking it's claim? GIRL! OR is it the Disney marketing empire, shoving it's princess crap at girls of this impressionable age everywhere you go and you just can't escape it?

And of course there is the appeal of the fairy tale in which the Princess lives, where everything turns out wonderfully and it's all pink, and rainbows, pet tigers, and vodka .  . . oh wait, that's MY fairy tale.
So that part does make sense. Princesses are involved in good bedtime stories and happy endings.

But is there more to this fascination? Have you noticed most girls go through this phase? Why do you think that is?

Humble

Portion from the next chapter in my novel. Will be out of context of course.

Fire. When I arrived, wherever I was, the first thing I saw was fire. I was so startled that I tried to turn and run. When that failed I tried to adjust to what was being shown to me. But my view was hazy and I wanted to rub my eyes and blink. I could tell I was inside a burning building, walking quickly down a hallway that was filling with smoke. The fire was up ahead, bursting out from a room and into the hallway, and running up the walls like a reverse waterfall. My new body seemed shorter and I was glad to see that the walk of this individual was normal and steady. I wasn’t sure if it was a man or woman yet, all I could see was the occasional raised hand, covered in a thick glove up over the coat.

We walked quickly but calmly, going into each bedroom we came across, and opening each and every closet door. The rooms were so far fire-free, but the blaze beckoned up ahead. When we entered a room that was farther from the roaring fire and it was quieter I realized why the vision was hazy. The firefighter had a mask on, and I could also now hear the person breathing steadily through it. The breaths came quicker than normal, but still controlled. We quickly shoved a twin bed aside to ensure no one was under it, threw open the double closet doors, and peered within the adjoining bathroom, all within five seconds. As if delayed a bit since my arrival, the person’s emotions abruptly slammed into me. It was possibly the strongest feelings I had felt yet from a person. There was no mistaking what I was sensing. It was pure and undeniable determination. The kind where you know you are really good at something and nothing makes you doubt yourself. It was focus that comes from so deep within you that you can see or hear nothing else but your goal. I could feel the conviction of what this person believed, and felt no wavering in that conviction.

As we re-entered the hallway and got closer to the fire I heard the sound of a voice in my head, and thought at first that it was my host speaking.

            “Ken – you find her?” a man’s voice asked. There was a sense of controlled urgency in the voice. I realized it was a voice in a headset within the helmet.

            “Not yet.” my male host answered.

Do What You Love, or Love What You Do?

Maybe it's the new year, but I've been thinking a lot about careers lately. Maybe it's because I'm getting older and I am thinking about where my path should go next. They say if you can find or create a job around your passion in life that it will never feel like a job and you will always be happy with it. I wonder how many people achieve this?
How many people feel that they are in THE job that utilizes their full potential and satisfies their soul? Are you? If not, how close are you?

Hello 2012

Happy New Year. I have big pupils.