What Does Strength Mean to You?

My very talented cousin did a cover of the song Titanium and it moved me so much and made me think about what it is to be strong. I thought of all the images I have captured over the years and which ones convey strength to me. I must have been visited by the muse tonight because I was just compelled to knock this out.

Too Many Choices

This drink machine, now found in many eateries such as Noodles & Company, is proof that Americans have TOO MANY CHOICES! This is getting a little ridiculous, no? Just watch someone come up to this machine and stare. You can almost feel the panic. There's a line behind them. They choose Coca-Cola. Should be straight forward right? Wrong. There are about 7 different choices for flavors of Coca-Cola. Do we really need this many different drink choices? Are we getting a little spoiled? And perhaps just me complaining that we have too many choices, is a first-word problem in itself.

Swim

Sometimes you just don't know how bad things were, until it's behind you.

Time and distance allow you perspective that you otherwise don't have when you are right in thick of something. Because when you are unhappy in a situation, it brings you down, and you aren't able to even see or grasp just how down you are.

I feel like I was trapped under a sinking ship in the ocean. A massive, heavy ship that was going down, and I was bobbing under the water, coming back up to gasp for air, only to be pushed back down by a piece of the ship. Or sometimes sucked underwater by the suction of the ship; pulled down by the force. Many times I came up for air, and thought I was close to rescue. I grabbed a hold of life-saving implements in the water, but each time, I lost my grasp. Or it was pulled away from me.

But finally. Finally. I saved myself. I didn't rely on someone to pull me from the water. I swam to shore. I got away from the entire site and came out of the water on my own, feet on the ground, forging a new path.

And now that I've started on my new path on the new island, I can clearly see how bad it was out there. Now that I'm happy. Now that I'm connected. Now that I'm encouraged. Now that I am immersed in what I feel close to most. Now, I realize I went somewhere else for a while in my head. And I've only just now returned to my true self. I was drowning for too long. But I have put it behind me. And this post is a part of my closure.

The lesson I can take from this is that I will know what to do next time, if there is ever a next time. I suspect I won't be in that situation again. But if I am, I will know what to do and how to handle it. Grasping at flimsy hopes of rescue and salvation will get you nowhere. You have to make the decision to swim away. Even if it's a long way and it takes a long time.

Because determination and knowing you did it on your own is part of what will make you feel whole again.

And then you can finally breathe.

Friday the 13th

When I realized today is Friday the 13th, I admit that I got a little smile on my face like I was back in 5th grade and kids would get freaked out by the date and talk about it all day. I actually thought, maybe I should watch a scary movie tonight! That got me thinking about how people generally love horror movies, or hate them. You usually get that reaction when you ask someone. It's one way or the other. And of course, there are different types of scary movies and people have their opinions on that. Some people like campy, some like slasher and gore, and some - like me - like psychological thrillers. But it seems that people will either go out of their way to watch them, or to never let one play in front of them.

I wonder what shapes this? Why do I feel excited and giddy at the thought of watching a new scary movie in the theater and being scared out of my wits? Why do we scream at a scary part, then laugh nervously after, feeling silly yet exhilarated. There is an adrenaline rush that comes with being scared, so there is obviously that draw. It gets your endorphins flowing and is a proven aphrodisiac. So why do some people shake their head emphatically NO when you ask them if they like scary movies? Is it because they watched a really scary movie at too young of an age and it colored them for life and they don't want to feel how they felt that time? Or maybe it's just something inherent in their personality. They don't feel the rush of excitement related to fear. But it doesn't really make sense for me personally because I'm not a risk taker, adrenaline junkie or anything like that. But I do love a good scary movie. So who knows - maybe it's just based on your personality, not past experiences.

So Happy Friday the 13th everyone! May your day be accident free, curse free, but maybe just a tad scary :)

Change of Seasons:Change of Mind

The last week of August is upon me and I am in mourning for the passing of summer. The summer is MY time, MY season, and when I feel most alive. My birthday is in the summer - and I do think we tend to prefer the season we were born in - and I have just always enjoyed warm weather and all the things that come with summer.

But as I thought about the changes that will come with Fall, I thought about those places in the world that don't have a change of season at all. I live in Colorado, so seasons are very defined and can be narrowed down to certain months. I've never lived in a southern place that was perpetually warm and summery; nor a northern place where the mercury rarely rises. It seems utterly foreign to me, a place that doesn't have distinct changes to the seasons. Sometimes, because I love summer so much, I have declared that I would love to live in all-summer place. But when I really stop and think about it, I don't think that would suit me.

What if the four seasons are best for syncing with our own internal rhythms? We grow and change continually. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Each year we become slightly different. If we are doing things right, we get better every year. We become wiser, stronger, calmer, more content. And I know for me, when the seasons change, I notice a difference in my mood, my motivations, and thoughts arise about change and the future. I like the idea of riding nature's wave of seasons. Maybe they spur us into change and to evolve to our next stage.

So if you live in one of the always-warm-states, I'm not saying you are emotionally stunted. But maybe a trip to Colorado for Christmas would do you good? Just sayin'.
However I will be thinking of you with envy right around early January when it's 10 degrees and blowing snow.
;)

Action Cures Fear

Someone said to me last week, "Action Cures Fear." 

The more I thought about it, the more I found it to be true. It also made me think about my previous post on phobias. Often times the treatment to deal with and overcome a phobia is to do or interact with the actual thing of which you fear, take action towards it, and then conquer it.

But phobias aside, the statement Action Cures Fear can be applied to so many things. So often we hold back on things we really wish we could try, but never move forward because we are scared. And then the fear gets bigger and starts to permeate the whole idea until you have it in your mind that you will never do that thing you once wanted to do. But if we take action and take steps, even small steps, towards it . . . . the fear slowly starts to disappear. And you know what it's replaced with?

Exhilaration.

The Birth of a Phobia

It seems as if everyone has at least one phobia planted in their brain. I've never come across someone who doesn't. It's pretty interesting to think about how phobias begin and how they evolve. Are we just destined to develop them, one way or another? Is there any way of avoiding it? Or are our brains hardwired to process visual and emotional stimuli in a way that can blown it out of proportion, when one of the two stimuli is negative?

For instance, it's pretty fascinating to me that a seemingly normal thing or experience, can bloom into a big ugly phobia. But maybe it's just the right combination of things going on in the brain. So if as a child you were standing knee deep in a lake and you looked down and saw a dead and decaying fish floating close to you, you maybe would just think it's gross and jump away. But pair that with a loud clap of thunder, or cutting your foot on a rock underwater as you looked at the fish, or an adult yelling at you for something - right at that moment, and BAM. A phobia of fish is born. I'm just guessing, I'm not sure and didn't do any research before writing this, but that's one way I think phobias come about. A combination of visual stimuli, and a strong or negative emotion right along with it. I know there are much more sinister and traumatic things that easily cause phobias. But I'm more interested in the seemingly mundane and ordinary, getting warped in your mind.

You'll notice that many of the phobias that people have, don't seem to make sense at all. That's why most people say it's an irrational fear. And even they will admit that it is not logical or rooted in reality. It's almost like a glitch in the way our brain processed some information at some point, and it's very hard to get past it or think otherwise.

I have a phobia of shallow water, and shadowy things lurking just beneath. I need to be out in very deep water to be comfortable. (for some people it's the opposite) I hate being in a little boat, and you float up to the edge of the shore, and start seeing the shapes of things down below . . . shudder. And getting into a lake to swim? I would much rather go to the end of a dock and jump into the deep, then have to walk in through the shallows. In fact I have perfected a method of getting in, if I have to walk in. I usually have a float of some kind, like a Noodle, and I'll walk in just a bit, crouch down, then propel myself out as far as I can, and as close to the surface as I can, and kick hard to get the hell out of there! Weird, I know. And I haven't figured out yet what started it!

So what do you think? How do you think phobias begin? What are some of yours?

Authentic Self

A friend of mine recently said that she was saddened to realize that she feels she has gotten away from much of her authentic self, the person she was when she was younger, and the person she truly feels she is. She said she thinks this happened when she allowed her life to center around social norms, expectations, and perhaps pleasing others.

If you stop and think about it, hasn't everyone lost sight of their authentic self at least once in their lives? I know when I lost grip of mine. It was like a rope slipping through my fingers for years in an unhappy marriage. At times the rope actually flew out of my hands and I scrambled to find it again. But only when I left the situation did I pull hard on my rope and bring myself back to the beginning: Who I Am. And damn if that didn't that feel good and right.

What sort of influences or situations make us lose or weaken our authentic selves? Is identifying that it's happening the first step to getting back to our truth? I think it is. If you recognize that you are not being true to your being, then that can only be good for moving forward in the right direction. But sometimes I think people don't know it has happened, because they are so deep down in their reality that they maybe don't even remember who they are. But I don't think anyone can tell you . . . I believe it's something you must see on your own, want to change, and then take steps to return to your base.

The Art of Waiting

I have developed a disturbing habit.
No, it's not naming and talking to my car. That's not disturbing. That's endearing. Right, Ruby?

I can't seem to just . . . .wait. Wait and do . . . nothing. In line for lunch, in my car (yes Ruby) at a stoplight, the security line at airport, seated in waiting room at dentist office. And what am I doing instead of nothing?
Yep you guessed it - on my phone. What is that about??!! I pick it up like a security blanket, even without a purpose in mind; but believe me, I'll find a purpose once I get in there! It's getting ridiculous.

However I do take some comfort in knowing I'm NOT alone. Look around. At a restaurant today, three of us were waiting for our to-go orders, and each one of us was on our phone, even though we probably only had to wait for a total of one minute.

Technology has ruined something for a lot of us: the art of waiting. Just sitting; or standing, and . . . waiting. Patiently. Looking around. Taking in your surroundings. Letting your mind wander. Letting your imagination take over. Focusing on the present.

I'm really going to make an effort to put that phone down and just BE.

Cooking Up An Idea

I took this pic at the San Diego Convention Center.
Reminds me of the levels of the mind and subconscious.

I’ve had something marinating in my brain for a little while now. It’s an idea. A BIG IDEA. A scary idea. Risky idea. Change-your-life kind of idea.

I’ve been thinking about it constantly. I’m waking up with new ideas and thoughts that I jot down on a pad of paper on the nightstand through bleary morning eyes. But I feel like I just might be seeing things clearly for the first time in a while.

I have notebooks, loose pieces of paper and the note app on my phone filled with the ideas and things I want to remember. This thing, this idea, it’s growing and dividing and marinating in creative juices. I feel alive!!

When the time is right, I just might start cooking it.