30-Something Blues . . . and Reds

Okay. I've experienced a few years in my decade of 30's now. And I'm finally ready to write about it. Yes, it took me this long. You see, that jump from your 20's into your 30's is a tough one for most women I think. Especially since our culture seems to value being young, crazy and in your 20's. So 30 can feel a bit like you have left a fun vacation locale and are setting sail for a new, more mature and responsible world.

And yes, the 30's do come with new and sometimes tough things. Many women are mothers, and find very little time for themselves, and start to long for the days that didn't revolve around domestic duties, crying children and big financial decisions. And it's harder to keep that 20's figure anymore. The workouts need to be longer and tougher and targeted. You think twice about ordering those fries. Career-wise you may start to re-think your direction. No longer just working at a job out of college and happy to just have a paycheck, you may find yourself wanting to find something that truly fuels you and your life passions.

But despite the things above, I'm finally starting to see the perks of this decade. In fact, I'm head over heels in love with it. Released from much of the social pressure around looks and fashion, we are now free to embrace our personal style with grace, ease and no apologies. You realize it just doesn't matter if your outfit is spot-on/matches/is trendy/is what is expected. You figure out what works for you and run with it. You develop a signature look. It's extremely freeing.

Your 30's is a key decade for checking on the course of your career. Are you still on track for your goals and dreams? Or have you gone so off the map that you feel lost at sea? If it is time to jump ship or harbor in a different port, this is the perfect time to do it. You still have so much working time ahead of you (don't think too much about that) that a major career change is doable. Plus, as mentioned above, you can relax into your authentic self and may know more about what you want to for work.

The time is also right for complete honesty. You have nothing to lose by being honest with yourself. In fact, you OWE it to yourself. Take a big heaping helping of truth, with a side of introspection why don't you? Because once you start to examine what makes you truly happy, what hurts you, what you worry about, and what you need to feel alive, then you can live your life fully.

I'm not saying all this can only happen in your 30's, it's just been true for me. But I would love to hear what others think - are you experiencing/have you experienced the same feelings while in your 30's? Or did that come later, or earlier for you?

A Peaceful Death or At Peace with Death

I'm currently writing a character in my novel who is dying of a terminal illness. She knows she will die, and she has gone home to be made comfortable. She's only 35 years old. The part that makes it even more challenging to write is that she has completely come to terms with her impending demise and is at peace with the world. She only wants to experience wonderful things and the things that make her smile, in her last weeks on earth. I try to imagine how this would be, how it would feel, and I admit, it's tough to imagine. You would have to have gone through the stages of grief, acknowledged them, and set them free. Anger, denial, bargaining, etc. - you would shake their hands and bid them farewell. And how would you talk to you loved ones? The ones that will be left behind to start their own grief process from the beginning. How would you smile at them and tell them not to worry, not to be too sad, to celebrate your life and move forward? They wouldn't be in the same place as you so it would be near impossible for them to understand.

Do you think it takes a very brave person to become this way near death's end? Or do we all have the capacity to free our minds and be at peace with death?

The End of the Road

There's something that has been on my mind a lot lately and I just can't seem to shake it. I keep thinking about getting old and how we eventually end up. Maybe it's because I just finished the book Water for Elephants and the parts about the man in his nineties in the nursing home broke my heart. Maybe it's because my 92-year-old Grandpa just lost his only friend in his care home, his sweet neighbor from down the hall, and he is alone and wondering why he is still on this earth. Maybe it's because I saw the movie The Green Mile the other night for the second time and once again there is an old man in a care home, remembering times past, sad, lonely, and close to death. And maybe it's because I wore my Grandma's jewelry twice this week, turning it over in my hands and remembering her in the past, and in the end.

I think what is bothering me is how your life typically lacks control near the end. Many people end up losing their minds, and they have no idea what's going on around them, let alone their past. Or they are incapacitated by an injury or disease that steals their life force away little by little.

How many times have you heard someone say "If I ever end up with Alzheimer's/Dementia/or non-functional due to a stroke, please just kill me." Or, "I don't want to be a burden on anyone; I don't want anyone have to carry me to the bathroom, etc." WE ALL SAY THESE THINGS, don't we? No one wants to end up like that. But here's the thing: You could be going along, maybe just in a 'retirement community' and you are independent, but need some conveniences that a place like that offers. But then - BAM, a stroke hits and changes everything. Before you know it - you are there. You are in that place you never wanted to be and you didn't see it coming and couldn't prepare for it, and now you don't have the mind to beg someone to get you out. And soon you are just another empty shell in the cafeteria, staring off in the distance, while the people who care for you never really know you, or your life, or the person you once were.

So what do you do? Set up a contract with someone you trust to perform an assisted suicide should things go in the very last direction you want them to? And what of the religious/moral/legal implications of that? Will the legal side of it ever change do you think?

I'm sorry this is so depressing. Does anyone else get caught up worrying about this? What can I do to ease the worry?