A Day in a Dog's Mind - Part II

12:10pm: She made me put on the weird strappy thing that goes under my front legs, around my chest, and on which she clips The Restrainer. Oh I hate The Restrainer. It always keeps me several feet from her and I can't run like I want to or do what I want. I am over a year old now. I can go on my own. I can run ahead of her and see what's up ahead. Although, . . . . this one street is kind of scary, what with the towering Great Dane that yells obscenitys at me every time, and the yard that smells like death. She tells people 'Kaiya is a little timid'. I don't know what this means. Not sure it is a compliment. I know what compliments sound like: "awww, pretty girl!, pretty Husky! beautiful dog!" I like these sounds and when I hear them I'm sure to curl my tail extra tight in the way it looks good. But timid I don't know. Maybe it means hunter?

12:20pm: Ah fluff, we are going down the scary street. I know his house. It's on the right and I can smell him. He smells icky. He hears my jingly collar and starts yelling at me. I didn't even do anything to him. Seriously, I don't even know him. Why does he hate me? I can't repeat the things he yells at me. But I know one thing - he doesn't want me in his yard or house. I hurry by.

12:30pm: I smell something! Something I smell! What is it? What is it? What is it? It's right here! No, here. No, wait here. Or maybe over here. Wait! I smell something! She always rushes me.

12:40pm: Small terrier up ahead. It starts calling out to me, "Hi! Hi! Hi there! What's your name? Mine is Cocoa! We don't have much time to talk so please listen! You gotta break me outta here! You just gotta! My owner feeds me organic dog food and it SUCKS. You have no idea! So if you just pull on the fence right over here . . . " But I'm being pulled along by The Restrainer and can't stop to talk or help. I feel for her though - sometimes you just want some junk food like Purina.

12:50pm: We are turning home. I know by the smell and where we are. I'll stop pulling on The Restrainer a bit to give her a break. Tired of hearing her say 'heel'. What a dumb word.

12:55pm: We are walking up to house and, . . . . the pigeons are back! They are on the ground under the tree. I'll get them, let me go! Let me off The Restrainer and you can count on me! I do a special half leap combined with a bark/howl and it's most effective. The pigeons fly away quickly. I am the best hunter ever.

A Day in a Dog's Mind - Part I

The following is what I imagine went through my dog Kaiya's mind in one day with me.

7:45am: Where is she? She must still be upstairs in the high soft bed on which I am not allowed. I want that bed. I will go upstairs and find her and tell her to play with me. Ooo! There's the bathroom trash can with Kleenex in it. Gotta get a few of those and shred them up. Feels so good.

7:47am: I found her putting the warm things on her body while she made weird noise with teeth clacking together. She says the word 'cold' a lot. She hasn't taught me this word. I don't care. I don't have time for this nonsense. There is a stuffed animal pheasant downstairs with my name on it. But it won't throw itself. I howl two inches from her face as she is bending down to put more warm things on her feet. She jumps. I am funny.

8:00am: She's FINALLY downstairs and now we can play. She is petting me and telling me I am a sweet, cute, furry girl. I know this. See that pheasant over there by the lamp? I got a jonesin' to see it 'flying' through the air. Let's get to it.

8:10am: Still no pheasant throwing. She has been in the kitchen making food, none of which is for me. I wait patiently in the living room, rolling on my back and kicking my feet in the air. Man that's so fun.

8:20am: Wait a minute. She's sitting down at her desk with the glowing shiny thing! What is she doing? Every time she sits down at the glowing shiny thing she is there FOREVER. She makes little clacky-clack noises with her fingers that I don't understand. I will just remind her that I haven't seen the pheasant fly yet. I bring the fat pheasant with cool noises deep inside to her and gently place it against her leg. I gently push it into her leg. I gently push it up into her lap. I push it into her stomach. I push it harder and the pheasant makes the cool noise inside. Yes! I got the noise. Let's see if I can do it again by biting it harder and pushing it into her stomach at the same time. Yes! I can't get enough of that noise.

8:24am: It worked! She came into the living room and is throwing the pheasant! She can throw it so far! Like all the way into the dining room. Oh that silly pheasant, he always thinks he can get away from me. But I always pounce on him with extreme skill.

8:34am: I am sleepy and will take a nap in the special place by the big chair. Her clacky-clack finger noises in there are keeping me awake.

10:20am: She is pounding on the window, yelling something. I will go protect her. I see through the window - the pigeons. Oh no. She hates the pigeons. I will help her. I tell her in many howls but she ignores me.

10:34am: Pigeons keep coming back. She keeps being mad. She keeps pounding on window. I will help her. I howl and tell her and I will hunt the pigeons. I am extremely skilled pigeon hunter. She doesn't listen. So I walk to back door and she lets me out.

10:48am: Pigeons fly in towards bird feeder meant for little birds, not pigeons, and I bravely scare them off with my intimidating bark/howl combination. But I can't reach them through the fence or I could have pounced on one. She should let me out to get them. I will tell her.

10:50am: Very proud of my pigeon hunting skills and believe I need a nap now. I sit by back door until she lets me in. She says word 'cold' again.

12:05pm: She said we are 'going for a walk'! She said those words! We are 'going for a walk'! Oh this is the most exciting thing all day. Even more exciting than pigeon hunting and pheasant pouncing. I will tell her with many howls how exciting this is.